Today we’re delighted to feature Erica Garza on The Mag. Erica is the author of Getting Off - the debut book by this supermom and Mexican-American essayist. Learn more about Erica and her 20 year long battle with sex and porn addiction, incorporating sex-positivity in parenting and much more!

Introduce yourself, your family and mission.

My name is Erica Garza. I'm a writer from Los Angeles and I have one 5-year old daughter, Frida. My memoir Getting Off is a chronicle of my 20-year struggle with sex and porn addiction. I have two missions with this book and most of my other work: heal shame by exposing it and help others in a similar predicament feel less alone. While my book is about sex and porn addiction--how it began, how it got worse, and how I got through--it's also a book about sexual empowerment. When I reflect on my past, I'm able to now see that my biggest problems didn't stem from how much sex I had or how much porn I watched, but how bad I felt about myself while doing those things. Shame was by far my most harmful addiction, so my aim is to dismantle it while encouraging others to move past shame in their own lives.

I’ve never met a woman who has openly spoken about porn and sex addiction before. What compelled you to come out about your journey? What about transposing this part of your life in a novel/memoir medium spoke to you?

I wrote the book I needed to read at various points in my life. As a woman it's extremely difficult to find stories of other women dealing with sex and porn addiction. It seems to be a male issue, making women like me an anomaly. But I know that's not true. When we continue the narrative that women are not as sexual as men, we keep our conversations about sex extremely limited. And other women like me feel like they have to keep hiding because they don't see their experiences reflected back to them. My hope in sharing my story was to help other women struggling with the same issues to feel less ashamed.

When was the first time you spoke about your addiction out loud?

The first time I spoke about my addiction was to my current husband when we were first dating. I had been to 12-step meetings for sex and love addiction already but I never had the courage to speak up there. When I met my husband, I was on a mission to be more authentic in my relationships. I knew that if I hid myself the way I always had in past relationships, we'd never work out. To my surprise, he didn't run away and it was a catalyst for me to keep sharing, keep opening up, keep being myself.

Now that you are a mom, how have you/will you incorporate sex positivity with your daughter?

One of the first sex-positive steps I took was when my daughter was just a baby was using the correct terms for her body parts. I know that seems like a simple thing, but it was huge for me. My parents had always approached body parts and sex with silence or code words, which made me feel like they were talking about bad, inutterable things. When she was around 4 we bought a very simple storybook about sex that used basic "where do babies come from?" language. My daughter is still young, so the harder questions haven't come up but I hope to be a safe place for her to bring up any topic she wants. Sex will never be too dirty a conversation, her impulses will never be labeled as shameful, no matter what they are.

If you haven’t yet, do you plan on speaking to your child about internet/porn? Any thoughts on making this a less stressful/traumatic experience for both parents and kids?

I think it's 100 percent necessary for parents to talk about internet/porn with their kids. Yes, it may feel awkward but studies show that the more open parents are in having difficult conversations about sex, the more likely their kids will have safe sex and be vocal about having the sex they're comfortable having. I will never label porn as "bad" when talking about it to my daughter but I will make sure she knows that the screen rarely portrays "real" sex. She'll be equipped with the knowledge that she gets to decide what she wants to do in the bedroom and when she wants to do it instead of conforming to what she thinks she should do.

For others struggling with sex and porn addiction (other than your fantastic book) what are some resources you recommend?

If you're struggling with sex and porn addiction, 12 step meetings like SLAA or SAA are a great place to start. It's not the only option, of course, but being in a room with like-minded individuals can be extremely helpful, especially if you're feeling isolated.

And finally, where can we find you?